The boomer’s view of work and retirement is completely different from their parent’s. The old get-the-gold-watch and head down to Florida idyll is dead, because of both the changing job market and the new, longer life span. It’s now common to retire early or be forcibly “retired” by a layoff in your 40’s and 50’s. Many of us recoil in horror at the thought of spending 30 or 40 years “retired” without any additional income or working dimension to our lives.

The big choice that you have to make today when considering a second career is really no different than the one you made the first time around. Do you want a job that will give you the most dollars for the hours you put in, or will you insist on doing something that’s rewarding, possibly for less pay? The answer depends on you, on the size of your financial obligations, on the “squeaking room” in your current work situation, and on the degree of frustration and rejection that you’re willing to endure.

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One of the most powerful hours of television I ever saw was the Oprah Winfrey Show with the theme of forgiveness. Parents whose children had been killed by reckless drivers forgave unconditionally. Families reached out to hardened criminals who had killed their dear ones, helping them to deserve freedom or be at peace in prison.

By forgiving them, were the families condoning their actions? No, said the grieving family members, the killers were responsible for their actions, and they had to answer for them to God. They had to live with their choices; true peace of mind would be hard for them. They may have rationalized what they did, but that didn’t concern the forgivers. Those who make the decision to forgive don’t need the guilty person’s cooperation or apology. Through forgiveness, these amazing people felt that they were taking back their power from a lifetime of anger and regret.

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In Anita Diamant’s book The Red Tent, the four wives of the biblical Jacob share the red tent when they are menstruating or birthing. This biblical sorority, like many women who live or work together, tended to synch their cycles and share secrets, stories and survival skills. In native traditions, the “moontime” of menstruation was seen as a powerful path to inner growth, a time to be in touch with nature, and to dream and bring back visions of Spirit. Were these women of old segregated because they were “unclean,” or was there a wisdom to recognizing the value of rest, reflection, and “just being”?

OK, I hear you saying – that was then and this is now! The “doing,” goal-oriented side of life has overpowered the “being,” creative side. But taking a pre-period nap could lead to a great business idea, a massage might sidestep a natural tendency to avoid the gym, and getting consistent with your multivitamin, calcium, and E may be the answer to a smoother menstrual week.

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Let teens and young adults own their own problems & solutions. Even in our self-esteem culture, winning isn’t everything. Winning builds confidence; failing and trying again builds character. Keep trying to get through to your child no matter what, and you set that example. The teen culture that says it’s cool to be hard, there are no rules, and everything can be trashed is really hard to live with, if you’re a dreamy optimist like me.

The kids have a saying, “Save your drama for your Mama.” Sometimes you just want to hide from the hysterics and avoid the irritation and confrontation, but you must stick up for what you believe as a parent. If you’re divorced, you have to drag your ex along, too. But the opposite of caring is not conflict; it’s indifference. It’s your job to set limits and enforce them. When family members don’t care, they don’t argue. They say, “I’m fed up, I just can’t put up with their stuff.” And that’s when you see the family that’s no longer in touch; they no longer get together for holidays and special occasions.

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The good news about a woman’s new lifespan is that you’ll probably live until you’re 80! The bad news is that your habits and choices must support that new longer life. Exercise, excellent eating, and regular check-ups are the basics, but the hormone question comes up when there are problems with hot flashes, energy, sleep, mental focus, and osteoporosis. The headlines about hormones have caused many women – and their doctors – to pitch any consideration of hormone replacement out the window without investigating the facts behind the headlines.

On his informative website www.alanaltmanmd.com., Making Love the Way We Used To author Dr. Alan Altman likens this reaction to an auto recall gone crazy: “Imagine, if you would, the following scenario. The Ford Explorer has been recalled by the manufacturer due to a rear-wheel defect. This is big news in all the media outlets. You are not concerned because you drive a Chrysler Newport. But, to your surprise, you receive a call three days later from your family doctor telling you that you should immediately stop driving your car because the problem with the Explorer means that all cars are dangerous to your health and well-being. Sounds ridiculous, but, in fact, it’s happening all over America with respect to hormone replacement therapy (HRT) since the publication of the Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) . . .”

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