Erectile dysfunction drugs can be the big blue elephant in the bedroom, with some men keeping them a secret even from their wives. Though the news about ED is blasted from the TV many times a day, most people don’t know that 50% of men will have THE PROBLEM of erectile dysfuntion at one time or another. It’s a common situation.

And yet, THE PROBLEM of not being able to get or sustain an erection is something that threatens a man’s identity like nothing else, and if he can’t even admit to you that he’s taking it, that’s not good. To use it successfully, the two of you have to build up some clear communication about when you’re ready and in the mood. You have to accept that it’s not as spontaneous, it takes 15 minutes, a half hour, or an hour to work, but at least there’s something you can do about THE PROBLEM – be grateful for that!

Most men, not just those over 40, know what I’m talking about here. It usually starts with just one time when there’s a PROBLEM. Then each time after that you’re watching for THE PROBLEM, and because you’re watching for it, you get THE PROBLEM again. It’s a mind game. He may stop being affectionate because he doesn’t even want to “start what he can’t finish.”

This “performance anxiety” type of impotence is the kind that is most easily remedied by ED drugs, with an 80% success rate. He uses the drug, has some success, and then stops worrying about the whole thing! Using the drug breaks that whole vicious cycle of anxiety and blaming. But Viagra-type drugs do nothing to increase libido. Exercise, arginine, gingko, or medically supervised testosterone and DHEA may help with that.

If you try to bring up THE PROBLEM and he says “I don’t want to talk about it!” you have to get calm and steady and reply “This is usually a simple medical thing that can be solved. Let’s just take care of it.” You might get the dialogue going when you stop by the office and slip his doctor a note before your husband’s appointment, asking the doctor to discuss THE PROBLEM with your man. If he’s taking a blood pressure or depression drug that commonly causes impotence, put that in the note too – a simple prescription switch can change everything. The doctor might say something to your husband like ”A lot of men your age are seeing some changes in their erections. How are you doing?” and give him a free sample to try.

A 2005 study showed improvements in women’s lubrication, arousal, and orgasm when their husbands were successfully treated with ED drugs. Think about it – the women were not treated, yet the sexual wellness of 75% of them increased. “He’s much more loving now, he’s not so worried about his erection,” is what many women say about Viagra sex.